Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
