It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
