ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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