I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
