She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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