i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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