then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
only if we run a train.
done.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
