I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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