He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize