I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
