For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
