So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
