I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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