What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize