i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
