Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
