We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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