When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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