so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
