What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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