Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
