Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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