Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
