Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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