I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
