We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
