Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
