I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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