She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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