Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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