You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
