oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
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I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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