Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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