I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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