I wish you could order shots online.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
