Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
