Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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