Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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