Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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