i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
