You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
