hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
