FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
