bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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