I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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