My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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