Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
