I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
