That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we made out on top of his cat.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
