bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize