I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
