you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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