she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize