I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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