Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if only i could text you this smell
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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