i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
