If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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