I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
