having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
