You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just gargled with NyQuil
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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