I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize