hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
