and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
