Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
