Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
