i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
