i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
