Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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