Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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