i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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