Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
