Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
