I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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