i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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