just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
