Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
