I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Randomize
