I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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