Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
