its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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