I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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