I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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