Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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