He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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