she woke up with a sticky ear
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
