i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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