He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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